‘I don’t understand why the two of ye are unaffected’, wheezed the Captain, ‘the rest of us have been eating the best of floorcake and we still got sick.’

Hoffeldon mouse’s whiskers bristled.

‘I don’t think it’s a virus captain’, he said.

‘Nobody cares what you think Hoffeldon, anthropology is useless to the nest.’

It had been six days since I broke my leg and heard the captain utter the words ‘you’re too old for foraging, hide under the floorboards and Hoffeldon mouse will bring you food.’

  • My heart sank.
  • Hoffeldon was a hopeless forager.
  • Obsessed with books, the only meals he collected were waste crumbs.

‘Why don’t you go and fetch a slice of that lovely blue floorcake you useless lump?’ I had asked.

‘Because we are in the human nest now, and they value cleanliness. They almost never defecate in their food, you know. Or walk across it -so I’m being polite and keeping the place clean.’

‘You are being an idiot, just like a human’ I’d replied.

‘Humans are actually pretty smart. And they never eat floorcake from the box along the skirting board, so I’m just trying to follow their ways.’

‘Never mind being polite’, I told him, ‘go fetch me floorcake like everyone else has, it smells delicious.’

  • Heffeldon didn’t.
  • And there was not much I could do about it.
  • Except eat the crumbs he brought.
  • For six days.
  • While everyone else feasted on floorcake.
  • And got sick.
  • And began dying.
  • Until all that remained was the captain.

‘I think Hoffaldon might be right’, I said, ‘he’s studied humans.’

‘If it’s not a virus Hoffeldon, then what is killing us?’ wheezed the captain.

Hofeldon mouse’s whiskers bristled.

’Bad manners sir.’

‘Manners? Such nonsense, it’s a good job nobody listens to you Hoffeldon’, wheezed the captain.