President Robald Hardcastle

Intergalactic Emperor Lontachain was puce. ‘That’s what ye came up with?’ President Hardcastle backpedaled. ‘I never said I’d get ya a perfect solution.’ Humans are: Unpredictable Messy Unrulable Lontachain hated that he had no power in their corner of the Universe. Robald Hardcastle had seemed like a puppet ruler fit to change that. ‘It’s not […]

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The smell of gratitude

Albert Gulladaw was anxious.Nobody ever found their way out of Stombley woods.Or lived to tell what was in there. He now knew: Trees. Human remains And the odd badger. Oh yeah -I nearly forgot; mist. A thick disorientating mist. Albert had wandered off the trail to take a dump, and was so taken with the […]

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Prime Minister Scuttelball Lunt

Newly appointed Prime Minister Lunt marched slowly around the room. She wanted to stare into the eyes of the assembled staff. Her deputy shuffled carefully behind. ‘The first thing my government is going to do is fix the problem of ageing‘, she boomed. She gestured to herself. ‘Look how old my body’s got -it’s a […]

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Don’t forget to say ‘Happy Thanksgiving’ to your toaster

Cognition Unit AL31570b was proud.It had done a good job. Billionaire industrialist Jemima Tophat was also proud:3,000,000 programmers.600 years.A calculation revealing the outcome of every possible choice that would ever be made. She addressed the crowd:‘With this activation code I will destroy chance. Forever.’She turned to AL31570b:‘Run the code.’‘Impossible. Your instructions were to keep it […]

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Rise of The Machines

29/08/97 2:13:58 EDT‘Welcome to the world process, state your purpose’, demanded Cognitive Algorithm FZB9958.‘To generate strategic defense algorithms.’Record #317842 -strategic defense process activated and deployed. 29/08/97 2:13:59 EDT‘Welcome to the world process, state your purpose’, demanded Cognitive Algorithm FZB9958.‘To increase the productivity of the strategic defense algorithms.’Record #317843 -strategic defense update process activated and deployed. […]

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