Meursault Bungalow was feeling down He’d just received the death sentence It was the talk of New Kinnegad ‘Well, I don’t care what people say I think he’s an innocent man,’ ‘Think what you like, I know a murderer when I hear scandalous information third hand.’ ‘What information?’ ‘He went to the cinema to watch the original Star Wars. And didn’t even like it.’ ‘The fiend.’ ‘Indeed, only a cold hearted killer dislikes the classics.’ Continue reading A night at the cinema

Galactic film executive Chug Zapamovieon had been delighted. Convincing acclaimed director Brack Bongalongalong to work with him was a remarkable feat. But then art took over. And things started to go wrong: ‘It’s trditional Martian practice to eat their offspring when threatened’, explained Brack, ‘to prevent invaders enslaving them.’ ‘Yes, but six hours of footage? I’m not sure anyone would watch that, and it’s smudged.’ ‘Not smudges Chug. Dust uronticles. Martians will get the reference.’ ‘But how do they help with the plot?’ ‘I’ve decided we don’t need a plot.’ ‘Then what’s the point.’ ‘Exactly Chug, exactly. That’s the spirit.’ Continue reading The incredible filmmaking of Brack Bongalongalong

The three astronauts began to accelerate. Their rocketship broken and useless. Captured by Spondle’s gravity. A fiery death awaited. They had nothing left but conversation. ‘It was a privilege to have crewed for Commander Gungbellow.’ ‘Whadya mean Gil? This is all her fault.’ ‘Nobody’s perfect Charlie.’ ‘Perfect?, she was an idiot …we’re just gonna slingshot round this gas giant -ya couldn’t make it up.’ ‘I’m still alive.’ ‘You’re just jealous Charlie, she was a trailblazer.’ ‘I’m not dead yet.’ ‘We’ll have to disagree Gill, mostly because she’s trailblazed us to our doom.’ ‘Well, I’ll always consider her a genius.’ Continue reading The legend of Commander Fidelma Gungbellow

The Ballonnicles of Flimp Galactic explorer Brag Armstrong was feeling happy. Flimp was his third planet of the morning. And he’d only had to discharge his blaster twice that day. ‘Tell me something about the inhabitants here’, he ordered Winglezub, his trusty sidekick/ cultural advisor. ‘The Ballonnicles?, not much to say, except that they are deadly…’ Brag whipped out his weapon and dived for cover; ‘Move ‘zub, I think I saw one in the bushes.’ ‘I doubt it.’ ‘Whaddya mean? Are there none around here?’ ‘They’re here alright, you just won’t see them.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Because, like I was saying, they … Continue reading The Ballonnicles of Flimp

Addictaclick CEO Bubbalong Jetpack gestured angrily at a projection of employees on his office holoviewer. ‘Why is that woman wearing a suit?’ ‘Probably because she wanted to. You told me to tell staff they are free to dress however they like. To show the world that Addictaclick is open and progressive‘ reminded his Roboassistant. ‘I did, but tell her not like that. Progressive people dress casually.’ ‘Like the fella stripped to the waist eating a Curlywurly?’ ‘Definitely not. Casual is beige slacks with a white shirt.’ ‘You mean like you?’ ‘Yes, open and progressive. Make them dress exactly like me.’ Continue reading The style of Bubbalong Jetpack

Hobadink Gobblewacker is the reason I hate writing fantasy stories. He ruled Oolanyeasp for three hundred years. With rigid instructions dispatched from his Ivory Tower. Everything had to be neat and tidy. Forestry, for example, had to be: Evenly planted Trunks uniform and round No branches Harvested regularly So it was. Until I made him stand outside. With outstretched arms. Palms facing skywards. And become a tree. Which is how I should’ve started the story. Continue reading Why I HATE writing fantasy stories

With comedian Jar Starlipper as James T Kirk Continue reading Warp Speed Ahead …a Star Trek micro drama

Mission Commander Catherine Spudlehoosen stared out of the engineering room window. It was the biggest onboard. And wasted on engineers. ‘Isn’t that incredible’, she noted. ‘It sure is. Eight seconds faster than planned’, agreed the chief engineer. ‘Not the ship, the view of Centarus-A’ ‘Didn’t think a superluminal crankshaft could run so smooth.’ ‘It’s infinitely complex.’ ‘Not really, the main drive bearings have been in use on the Andromeda run for years.’ ‘Whadya think, are we the only sentient creatures in the Universe?’ ‘Probably …and if we added a second drive we could knock another six seconds off the trip.’ Continue reading The view from space

Our plan had been simple. Get drunk on space grog up at the Zermat observatory, and everyone take a roboshuttle home after. But somehow I ended up on planet Gomboon. Where humans are hated. Luckily for me Gomboonians are terrible at logic. ‘Prepare to die human!’, roared the patrol. ‘Hold on a minute’, I counter-roared, ‘Think about this. I’m not here. No human would be stupid enough to visit Gomboon’. ‘Hmmm, that human’s right -nobody would ever be stupid enough to do that‘, they agreed. Continue reading Fooling the Gomboonians