If you are invited to the Galactic Council there are three things you should avoid:

  • Schemeegling.
  • Henongling.
  • And, worst of all …Babadunking.

Just ask Gerry McLoughlin.

Actually.

Don’t.

Because I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone about what happened.

Back then Gerry was obsessed with a video game called ‘Icebergs of Vroggle’. He’d play it every minute he could, eating tinned beans with whey powder for his meals to allow more time for gaming. Which was remarkable. Because Gerry is not the kinda fella to break a sweat. I reckon if they X-rayed him at the hospital they wouldn’t find an ounce of work.

‘Icebergs of Vroggle’ was different. He’d play all night and roll into his job full of that manky diet. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was permanently off on a cigarette break nobody would’ve been able to stick the smell.

But he must’ve been good at that game. Because it attracted the attention of the Galactic Overlord. Who decided that dedication to zapping Hallubadons from the Icebergs on Vroggle was something to cherish.

Which is why a Galactic emissary came knocking on Gerry’s bedsit door with an invitation to join the Galactic Council. No human had ever been given such an invite, or has since. Gerry was smart enough to realize that an interstellar journey would take time so he filled up on whey bean mix and pre-rolled seven cigarettes.

‘Is there anything I should know about the Galactic Overlord?’, he asked as they boarded the rocketship.

‘Don’t Schemeegel, Henong, or Babadunk.’

Gerry would have asked for more details had the emissary not then vanished. Seven nervous cigarettes later Gerry stepped from the rocketship and into a small grey room with a table, an ashtray, and a large quadruped with a face on both flanks. Gerry didn’t flinch.

‘Thank you for not Schmeegling at my appearance.’

The creature then pointed a leg towards the ashtray, ‘and I see you Henonged before you came, this augurs well.’

Gerry felt the weight of anticipation lift. The knot in his stomach loosened. And he allowed himself to relax.